Isn't it Ironic?

If you have ever heard Alanis Morrissette's song, "Isn't It Ironic," and you are me, then you are irritated. Why? Because that song is not about ironic events. Having a fly in your chardonnay or rain on your wedding day are events that would be considered unfortunate, a "bummer" if you will, but not ironic. I have to comment on that song every time it plays, and my 13 year old daughter always emits a well-rehearsed teenage sigh and says, "YES, Mom, WE KNOW, the song isn't ironic . . . it's only a bummer . . . you've told us like a billion times!" The other well-rehearsed part of teenage speech is the tendency to overestimate the number of times things occur.

Well, I do think Alanis Morrisette owes her high school English teacher an apology. But I bring up this song because right now, I'm wondering, isn't it ironic that I can still worry as much as I do when I pray and believe in the power of God to take care of me?

Now, I've really gotten better about worrying as the years go by. However, it seeps back into my daily life sometimes. I've got a lot to do at work. My oldest daughter starts high school in a few weeks. My nine year old is now officially as tall as I am. I've been working out steadily now for a couple of months and the weight is not magically disappearing like it would have five years ago. And my dog ate six bagels that were left out on the counter. The last one is not a worry, just a huge annoyance.

To top it off, last night, for no good reason at all, I decided to look up the costs of tuition at various college websites. Suggestion: do not do this. Even if you have kids eventually going to college. Because you can't pay for it anyway.

I think it is disingenuous for people inside churches to tell you they don't worry anymore. "If you just follow Christ, you'll never worry again!" Bull. They worry. But they hopefully have a better mechanism for dealing with the worry. They read Matthew 6, where Jesus tells us that we shouldn't waste our time and energy worrying because our Heavenly Father knows what we need. They pray. They ask God to help their memory improve so they don't leave food on the counter for their slobbery Labrador retriever to inhale.

It will all be alright. Because, of course, the war is won for us by Christ. The small battles of life (and they are small compared to His sacrifice) are just that, battles that will pass. This weekend at Nativity, we will hear a message asking us to reflect on this question: "How big is your God?" When we let worry completely overtake us, when we let the battles of life rule us, the truthful answer to this question is "not very big at all." At least, that is what we reduce Him to in our minds.

So, yes, we need to fight our battles, but while doing so, we have to remember that ultimately, the war is won.

Isn't that ironic?

Performance Review

I have been in my new job for 8 months after 15 years of practicing law. Here is my 10 point self-performance review, which includes assessments, admissions and self-incriminations.

1. I am the Director of Membership, and yet I struggle with what the word "membership" means. It is a slight comfort to learn that apparently most/many/all churches struggle with this question. Turns out there are electronic tomes out there in cyberspace about this very issue. I continue to study what it means, or should mean, at Nativity.

2. I was raised in law to believe that meetings were bad and a huge waste of time. So we never had them. I now know that was wrong. Yes, meetings can be poorly run, but you need them to function as a team.

3. I work harder at this job than I did at practicing law (at least during my law partner years) and I was not known as a light or even a moderate worker at my law firm. I am always thinking, assessing, what could or should be done differently. My To Do List keeps growing. In a good way.

4. Like all work, there are aspects of church work that aren't engaging or entertaining, but they need to be done. Like returning phone calls, only to have to leave another message. Which I hate. Returning phone calls is usually the first thing I do, simply to get it over with. If you need me, by the way, please email me.

5. I am still an obsessive list and chart maker. I thought that would stop with the job change, but it didn't. I keep a chart of every phone call I get, the subject, and when I returned it. It's a sickness.

6. My favorite weekday is Monday. Really. Lunch meeting!

7. It's hard to find the kind of pro bono legal work that I would like to do. I've switched from foreclosure law to adult guardianship. We'll see.

8. I am not nearly as good at this job as I thought I would be. There is a lot to learn and unlearn. I can't be self-sufficient and rely only on myself for results.

9. Don't write in the Church Calendar in pen. You'll regret it.

10. I'm embarrassed to admit that it's easy to forget God in the equation even at church sometimes. After an hour or so, when I'm spinning my wheels, it occurs to me that I need to pray and invite Someone else into the work.

Speaking of prayer, time to get ready for this morning's staff prayer meeting. More thoughts later.