Friendly Advice: "Don't Work for a Church, and Color your Hair."

Most of my life, I have been very self sufficient, and my family has recognized that and even fostered it. I decided which sports I would play as a child. I chose my other activities, like drama, and shunned activities foisted upon me that didn’t fit my personality, like Girl Scouts. I picked my college by myself, with little input from the adults in my life. I chose my profession on my own without suggestions from others.

As an adult, this self sufficiency carried over. My co-workers and acquaintances really never gave me unsolicited advice. Perhaps hitting 40 means that all changes, because since that time, I have been fielding “friendly” advice about two completely unrelated topics. This advice has come from friends, co-workers and family. I won’t single anyone out, but suffice it to say that people who let me make life changing decisions on my own are now quite vocal in their opinions about two changes—one seemingly insignificant and one surely not—in my life.

First, people have felt free to advise me that it would be “best,” or “more professional,” or “sleeker,” to start coloring my hair. Why? Because I am going gray. Pretty quickly too, or at least it seems that way to me. When I remark that I think I’ll try to let it go gray on its own, people look at me like I have two heads. Now, I have to admit, I’m not committed to this going gray thing, and I might change my mind. But the truth is, I’m kind of lazy about certain things, and I don’t see myself keeping up with any hair routine that involves more than the occasional cut. I’m not good about weeding my garden either.

But it is not simply the mundane issues in my life that have garnered advice. I recently left the full time practice of law to begin a new chapter—I joined the staff of the Church of the Nativity (http://www.churchnativity.org/), an amazing (christian, catholic) church, on a part-time basis. I had been practicing law for 15 years, almost to the day, when I join the Nativity staff in January, 2009. When I decided to make this change, I was very excited and also very nervous. When I first told the important people in my life about this change, they were excited and congratulatory. That hasn’t completely changed, but some have now started to express a level of dismay about this career addition. Some of my law colleagues simply think it is not going work because they can’t imagine I can survive without my work email and Blackberry messages for more than a few hours. Some family members are worried about my ability to pay my mortgage. But one piece of recent advice, if you want to call it that, really stuck in my head: “Why do you want to work for a church? Things happen there!”

With emphasis on the word “things.”

The speaker of this comment clearly meant it in a negative way. Knowing this person as I do, I think she was referring to the fact that her involvement in church had not always been positive. She had ideas that she thought should be adopted and they weren’t. People who had ideas she didn’t agree with were more successful in moving their “agenda” ahead. In her mind, when you get too involved in church, negative “things” result.

It is true that you never know what is going to happen, on a human level, from year to year in a church. People come and go, and you might disagree with those who come and miss those who go. You might find that peeking behind the gilded curtain of the church reveals that the people working in ministry actually have warts and flaws like everyone else, and maybe, if we are honest, we really don’t want to know that. We want to think they are holier than us and that is why they are selected to lead in faith.

But, of course, that’s not true. Peter had warts and flaws (take a look at Matthew 14:22-31 and Matthew 26:35, 69-75), and yet he was the rock upon which the Church was built. God doesn’t choose the Holier than Thou to lead; he chooses the Flawed but Willing. And sometimes he works on the unwilling. I haven’t always been willing to serve. When I was returning to the Church about 7 years ago, I purposely targeted larger congregations so that I could hide and not be noticed or called upon to do anything. That worked out well. God likes irony, I think.

But in all seriousness, it is my prayer that I will be of great service at Nativity and beyond. Flawed (and continually graying) though I am, I already know that great changes have happened here and will continue. In that respect, my advisor was correct.

Things happen here.