Who then is this?

Today in a weekly prayer meeting, we read Mark 4, where Jesus calmed the storm. Jesus directed that they (he and the disciples) should take a boat to the other side of the water, and while sailing, a great storm came upon them. Jesus was sleeping in the boat during the storm. The disciples woke him and said, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" Jesus spoke to the sea, commanding it to be still, and of course, the storm ceases. Then he asked his disciples, "Why are you terrified, do you not yet have faith?" The disciples were in great awe, and asked each other, "who then is this that even the wind and the sea obey?"

Now, up to this point, the disciples had already accepted Jesus was divine.  By this time in the gospel, Jesus has selected his disciples, and given them the power to cast out demons. The disciples were following Jesus and clearly accepted he had great power. Why else would they have believed that, through his authority, they could cast out demons? Yet when he commanded that the storm subside, they were still questioning who he was and how he did what he did. This is not the last time that they will, on some level, doubt Jesus' divinity and power.

This passage resonated with me. I have been asking myself, "who then is this....?" as well. Yes, I say I believe Jesus is divine and he is placing a path before me that he wants me to follow, but I still question my safety on this path, much like the disciples in the storm. This is what he has put before me lately: he gave me the discipline, which I heretofore had lacked, to pay off debt so I could take a cut in pay to pursue ministry; he gave me more time with my kids and husband; he gave me a work I feel passionate about and he took away work that I had lost my passion for; he gave me a schedule that allows me time to exercise after a year of near-sloth. And yet I question if this is the path I should take. I keep thinking, "boy, wouldn't it be easier if I made more money?" 

So when I read this passage this morning, I again felt a familiar kinship with the disciples displaying stupid human myopathy. It was kind of a "duh" moment for me (I have a lot of these, but this one was a big "duh" moment).

I don't know what is in store for me professionally. The events have caused me to examine my situation and forced me to give up power I had before. I wish I could say that this has been an easy transition. It hasn't. But that's because of my humanity and not God's divine plan. Whatever his longer term plan is for me, I hope I can avoid asking, or at least ask less often, "who then is this?" who is placing this gift of a new path before me.