Stuck in the middle with You

Ok, all you older people out there, I have a song reference for you that relates to my musings tonight. This is for all you who “smoked” candy gum cigarettes purchased at the 7-Eleven for 25 cents, remember Watergate, were born before the Ford Administration, and bought the Iran-Contra Tower Commission Report in college the day that it came out (that last one might have been the action of just one dorky Poly Sci major at Penn State). You’ll remember this song, Stuck in the Middle with You, by the relatively obscure band Stealers Wheel. This song struck me today because of the title. I feel stuck in the middle. Stuck between two worlds:

1. My “old” world of hanging out with cynical attorneys who all dislike other attorneys except their present company, are constantly unimpressed by the performance of everyone around them, and are blessed to have incredible financial resources. Hey, that's just who we are: the hard to please, grouchy, highly compensated lawyers of the world.

2. My “new” world of hanging out with relatively young people who are not cynical (or at least far less cynical), and who are constantly energized and yet intimidated by working to glorify God. These people would be horrified to find out how much money I in fact did waste in my “old” world. They might also be horrified to know what I allow my kids to read or what I watch on TV.

I feel pulled between two worlds, and I dance between them sometimes. On Saturday, I spent the day with my law school friends at an upscale spa in Manayunk, Philadelphia. The four of us get together once or twice a year to catch up with each other, not to mention spend money at a spa. Of the four of us, all of whom have been practicing law just 15 years, making us relative youngsters in a profession where practicing into your 80s is a norm, no one is in love with the law. Two tolerate it and appreciate the financial security of the profession, one barely tolerates it and has gone part-time, and one has walked away from it altogether. It’s always great conversation, and sarcasm prevails. We laugh hard. We crack each other up. Hey, we're witty. But it is, by its very nature, not joy-filled conversation. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy seeing my good friends, but we are lawyers. Joy is not in our lexicon. And as for faith, that is not a safe topic of conversation. There is a wide chasm between our individual beliefs (or lack thereof) in God.

The next day, Sunday, I prepared myself to work towards being as joy-filled as this crusty lawyer can muster, and was honestly excited at the opportunity to reach people for Christ. I spent no money (Saturday was enough spending for both days). At Nativity, the purpose we all share drives us even through challenging Sundays, and that purpose also gives a measurable amount of peace.

Sometimes it seems like my life choices, and the choices I make for my family, can never be reconciled in either of these two worlds. I can’t make both worlds completely happy. One circle might disagree with the way I spend my Sundays (and most other days of the week, for that matter). The other might disagree with my remaining attachments to world, its money, and its institutions. It’s a lose-lose situation. Right?

And then it hits me. It’s not my job to please either circle, not ultimately. I was not put where I am to please lawyer friends or church friends. My purpose is not really tied to people at all. When I get frustrated that others might not respect the choices I have made (and I know some do not), it is my own fault for losing focus of whom I am working for. I’m working for God.

With snarky apologies to my great friends in both worlds, and to quote Stealers Wheel, "clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with You."

I’ll take that over being anywhere else.