Dislike

I met someone recently that I didn't like (I'll refer to this person as "him"). It was sort of an immediate feeling I had.  As time went on, my initial reaction became stronger. I didn't like that I didn't like him, and wished I felt differently. But I didn't like him, and I still don't.

As time passed, I couldn't let go of this reaction. My biggest beef was that he did not listen to others. It was all about this his opinions, and no one else's mattered.

In our current message series at Nativity, entitled Sfumato, we are digging down into the truth that there is a connection between what's going on in our lives, and what's going on in our hearts and our emotions. In that context, we focused this Sunday on our fundamental need to listen to those we are in relationship with, and to be listened to in return. 

So, what was going on in my heart recently was that I didn't like this person I encountered in my life, and I felt he didn't listen to anyone. But there was something more that I couldn't put my finger on. This recent acquaintance reminded me of someone. But who?

Me. This person reminded me of me. That's what was bothering me-I was looking in a mirror, and I didn't like the reflection. It felt as if I was observing the worst version of myself. Of course, that made me dislike this person more and want to avoid him.

I will encounter this person again, at least in the short-term. So what would be the emotionally healthy thing to do?  

I think I need to lean into my feelings and ask myself whether this dislike is more about him or more about me. It is always good to get to the core of visceral reactions, but regardless of the answer to that question, more can be gained here.  I can also hope that this relationship could be fruitful in some way, perhaps helping me learn better listening skills, which I desperately need, and maybe modeling better listening for others.

We don't have to like everyone we meet, but we do have to love them. I think that includes listening to them. We are not all born with the natural gift of selfless listening, but that doesn't mean we can simply let the empathic people of the world do all the listening for us. 

I will lean into my own weaknesses (not listening as well as I should; thinking I'm always right) in hopes that I improve my character in these areas.  

This doesn't mean I will end up liking this person. Frankly, I don't see that happening.  It does mean that I will commit to making an effort to listen to him.

I will try to be the person I could be by modeling myself after the Person I'm not.