"Are You Kathleen from Nativity?"

I hear those words more than I used to--"are you Kathleen from Nativity?" And when I do, my heart sinks.

Not because I don't like seeing people outside of church, but usually because I am quickly backtracking in my mind to make sure the words and behavior that preceded this recognition are Nativity-worthy. Was I being pleasant and patient right before (both traits I struggle to enforce in my character)? Was I rolling my eyes at the sky, or worse yet, another person? Did I do something silly?

I am a private person, a luxury I am being stretched to offer up to God, and he is taking away my anonymity. I recently started swimming on a masters' team ("masters" in swimming means "old," not "professional," like in golf). There are no fewer than 3 people swimming there with me who know me from church. Yikes. And in a swimsuit no less. 

I can be at my most thoughtless in the swimming pool. I have often been accused of swimming down the middle of the lane, a major breach of lap swimming etiquette. I have very long arms and often slap others' hands while swimming. I have little patience with people who don't follow intervals or the practice workout to a tee. I've tended towards "this is my lane and you are lucky I'm deigning to share it with you."

This new lack of anonymity is God's check on my character flaws, I think. Not a test, but a check. To keep my tendencies to be sarcastic, impatient and sometimes just thoughtless in check, to keep these behaviors at bay. Hopefully, this means that as I have fewer times in my day when I can behave badly, new habits will form, habits like being pleasant, patient, and thoughtful of others.

If only I didn't have to do this in the swimming pool. It's just an hour a day, God. And it's early in the morning when many people are irritable. Who'd notice?

Oh, I guess You would.