Peter and Me

Tonight I was reading the Gospel of John. I was struck by Peter: his actions, his words, and the words he didn't say. Peter did two things in John 18 that lingered on my mind: 

-He cut off the ear of Malchus, the Roman soldier who was part of the attachment that seized Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane; and

-He denied Christ three times while Christ was being questioned by the high priest.

Commentary I was reading revealed interesting interpretations of these events: 

-Peter shows courage in a situation where it was not desirable (Christ rebukes him for assaulting Malchus, instructing him to put his sword away as Christ is prepared to "drink from the cup" the Father gave him-in other words, to embrace his suffering and death soon to come); and

-Peter lacks courage in a situation where Christ desired support (he lied to others three times about being a follower of Christ).

I've never cut anyone's ear off (not counting an accidental snip of my oldest daughter's ear while trimming her hair when she was four) and I've never publicly, out loud, denied being a follower of Christ. But I have exhibited overconfidence and "courage" out of proportion to the perceived slight of another either to me or a loved one, and I have certainly failed to lead in areas where I need to lead. In fact, I can think of very prominent instances of these behaviors in the past week. And I have engaged in such apparently contradictory behaviors in close proximity to each other, just as Peter did.

As often as I hear or read historical accounts in the Bible, it always surprises me to see how closely I act similarly to people who lived with Christ.  I tend to see my faults first, so I often identify with the foibles of the disciples as well as those in opposition to Christ. I don't punish myself over it, but I do try to own those foibles. 

It is comforting. Even the disciples engaged in spiritually immature behavior. I'm in good company. 

But I'm challenged to not stay there. It's my job to move away from that immaturity. Some days that goes well. Other days, I feel like I am taking three steps backwards for every two forward.

One day at a time, I guess.