Thoughts on Marriage

Nineteen years is a long time to do anything. Most people don't have the same job or attend school for that length of time, and sadly, most people aren't married for that long either. Yesterday Eric and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. And now I will wow you with the many critical pieces of advice we have to offer you on having 19 pain-free, fun-filled and easy-going years together. Nothing but bliss, right?

Fail.

Anyone who tries to give you that advice, shoot them. No, don't shoot them, but do ignore them. Because if anyone tells you marriage is all bliss, they are worthy of being ignored (and perhaps committed).

Marriage is not easy. It was, frankly, not designed to be (or maybe it was designed to be, but humans screwed it up).  Now our challenge is to work through our brokenness to establish a lifelong bond with someone. And if you can persevere, it is totally worth it.

I'm reading a book now that is challenging for me in many ways. It is challenging first because it is told from the perspective of a man and woman who more or less fit the commonly held stereotypes of a men and women--nothing wrong with that, but it tends to alienate me because that is not really my personality. I simply don't identify with the woman, and I'm not sure my husband would identify with the man. Maybe that's part of our brokenness, maybe not. But either way, it makes it hard to persevere through a book that makes you feel a bit alien.

Nevertheless, even for men and women who don't fit the stereotypes, the book has real truth in it. What I've gotten out of it the most is that marriage is not actually a vehicle meant to provide us with unending happiness, but rather is a vehicle to transform us into something better than we are. That doesn't mean it brings out the best in us right away, or all the time, but it is through those times when were are surely not our best that we have the greatest opportunity to grow, to be transformed, into something better.

The book is Love and War. Aptly titled, this book really guides you through what marriage is about, from a God perspective and also from an imperfect human perspective. If you are perfect human, there is no need to read it. 

So, following a truly fabulous anniversary dinner last night (which, by the way, my husband cooked from start to finish), I am back tackling the challenges of Love and War.  Stay tuned! I'll post more thoughts on this book and marriage in days to come.

Two closing thoughts: 1) Marriage is awesome and 2) so very hard. And admitting, even embracing,  the second part actually brings you closer to the first.